Good relationships make us happy & boost our health

What makes us happy?

We humans want to be happy. The need for happiness is so important that even the United Nations has defined it as a fundamental human goal. But what makes us happy? There's actually a simple formula: if our lives contain a lot of what we consider important, then we’re happy. But what we consider important varies from person to person. Nevertheless, there are factors that have been proven to lead to happiness. This forms the subject of happiness research, a key component of positive psychology.

Definition of “positive psychology”: The specialist field of positive psychology explores the conditions for human well-being with the goal of improving people’s satisfaction levels and satisfaction within organisations and nations.

Happiness factors

According to happiness research, there are various factors that have been proven to make us happy. These include good health, a healthy family life, meaningful work, freedom, the absence of war and violence, a high standard of living, religion and a good education. However, one factor is often underestimated – good relationships between romantic partners, friends and family.

Relationships are impor­tant for happiness and health

The fact that good relationships are important in our lives was also recognised by the long-term “Grant study of adult development”. Since 1938, the study has been analysing the lives of 268 men for influences that affect their lives and development. The findings of the study show that good relationships lead to greater happiness and satisfaction, as well as having a generally positive effect on our health.

How good relationships affect our health

Healthy relationships impact our physical and mental health. According to the Harvard study, the benefits they bring include the following:

• Mental well-being: Feeling socially connected and able to share feelings with others reduces the risk of depressive moods and strengthens resilience.
• Dementia in old age: Prolonged loneliness leads to the brain being less active, which increases the risk of developing dementia in old age.
• Cardiovascular diseases: Healthy relationships and positive social contacts help with stress reduction. This protects us from cardiovascular disease and reduces the risk of a heart attack or stroke.
• Weight control: According to the Grant study, people in healthy relationships find it easier to control their blood sugar and maintain a healthy body mass index.
• Cancer: Good social inclusion raises cancer survival chances.

Oxytocin: Why relation­ships make us healthy and happy

Bonds with other people and their effect on our well-being are strongly linked to one particular hormone: Oxytocin, also known as the cuddle hormone or love hormone. When we get close to other people in a positive way, our body releases oxytocin along with the happiness hormone serotonin. As a result, our breathing and heart rate slow down. A feeling of security sets in and the relationship with the other person strengthens.

Activate the cuddle hormone – even without cuddling

Physical contact and affection are important. However, releasing the cuddle hormone doesn’t necessarily require a partner. Dancing, massages or stroking pets, for example, can also create a feel-good sensation.

The positive effects of oxytocin

Oxytocin has many positive side effects, which is another reason why social bonding is particularly good for our well-being and health.

1. Oxytocin inhibits the release of cortisol (stress hormone). A high cortisol level weakens our immune system.
2. Because oxytocin lowers cortisol levels and blood pressure, it helps us to reduce stress.
3. The cuddle hormone boosts the performance of our memory.
4. Oxytocin has an anti-inflammatory effect.
5. As the cuddle hormone reduces calorie intake and increases energy levels, it helps us to lose or maintain weight sustainably.
   

The Good Life: how a happy relationship works

Having established that positive social relationships are fundamental to our health and happiness, how exactly do healthy relationships work? The book The Good Life by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz summarises the results of the “Grant study of adult development” and the findings relating to relationships.

The quality of relationships is important

One of the key findings of 'The Good Life' is that it’s not important how many relationships or friendships we have, but how qualitative our relationships are. Deep and qualitative relationships have the greatest effect on our well-being. Qualitative relationships are demonstrated by:

• Positive communication: For relationships to be healthy, open and positive communication is needed. This enables us to avoid misunder­standings and deal with criticism.
• Trust: In a happy relationship, we can rely on the other person and enjoy mutual trust.
• Emotional support: We have a deeper understanding of our partner and support each other even in emotionally challenging situations.
• Respect and appreciation: In healthy relationships, we value and respect our partner. We demonstrate this with small respectful gestures in our day-to-day lives.
  

Healthy and unhealthy relationships

Happy relationships can also have their ups and downs. These are the moments in which we develop ourselves and often the relationship too. The odd row isn’t a problem and doesn’t mean that we’re in an unhealthy relationship as long as we trust the other person and each supports the other. Unhealthy relationships are characterised by unresolved conflicts and tensions. This is exhausting for our mind and body, which makes us more susceptible to illness.

Nurturing and creating relationships

The secret of a good social environment is to nurture existing relationships and create new ones. Only when we're invested in a connection can it become deep and qualitative. To create new relationships, we need to be open to social situations and participate on an active basis. Even short social interactions in everyday life can make a big difference.